Do "Haunted Houses" scare you...?

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Originally posted by Joranthalus:
DA in a xtian haunted house? Ohhh, do tell!

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Oh I remember those. Someone jumps out in a robe yelling that unprotected sex will lead us into hell, then someone else jumps out and yells the same about Black Sabbath. Oh wait, that's church!

Seriously, I agree, most haunted houses these days don't have much going for them. "Ooo I saw that blinking-light skull at Big Lots...and that crawling hand from Rite Aid." That stuff was great as a kid though. Unless the house is actually haunted, it's just not the same.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ September 29, 2004 10:13 AM: Message edited by: Cemetery Man ]</font>

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Originally posted by -Dark Angel-:
Did I ever tell you boys the story of when Big Daddy accidently went to one of those religious haunted houses...?

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<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">what? did they jump out and show u episodes of Will and Grace and temp u with adult beverages? or show u a really hot chick and tell u she is 'waiting for marriage'. now thats horrifying.

The haunted houses are getting weaker. They're rarely frightening anymore. What's so scary about a guy dressed up in a cheesy grim reaper robe waving a fake scythe around, or someone popping out from behind a door? One haunted house I went to showcased scenes from classic horror films..which was why I was absolutely puzzled when we encountered the area dedicated to "the matrix".

Now, there is one haunted house I would love to go to this year. It's an old abandoned TB sanatorium. It's been deemed kentucky's most paranormally active site. They were supposed to tear it down years ago, but never did. Every year around this time they open it and give tours.

Tres: Possible. Even, I dare say, probable.

OK, the religious Haunted House...yes, they called themselves xtians, but I won't insult true xtians by referring to this scum as such here.

Anyway, first, an admission: We did not know it was a religious sect's Haunted House until we got there. The newspaper ad gave no indication that it was such. However, as any of you who has ever dealt with these flakey sects knows, they have an unmistakeable aura of stupid and self-righteous about them that one cannot fail to notice. So we pretty well knew what we were getting into, and chose to get into it, anyway.

Typical thing that these...er..."people" do: The "abortion" room, the "drug addicts" room, etc. I can be quite loud, so I maintained a running commentary throughout re: the poorly done make-up and SFX, as well as whatever ironic/humourous observations that struck me at the time. Most of the people in the group were laughing at me and completely disregarding our "tour guide" as it were, which upset the little zealot no end.

Now you know how these joints work, right? They show you all this crap that is suppose to horrify you, then they lock you in a room at the end for some good ol' fashioned preachin' and savin' and whatnot and forthwith. DA, needless to say, was having none of that. After a short discussion regarding what the (primarily) physical and (eventual) legal consequences of attempting to hold me against my will were to be--and understand, I didn't just tell them I would kick their asses, though I would have, I used very nice language and tried to stay very diplomatic--, they decided that they were merely extending an invitation to everyone to stay, but we were all absolutely, positively free to leave if we wished. I was most gratified to see not one of the people in the group I was with stayed behind...

I went to one haunted house last year that got me bit flustered (I went to 4 total where I knew the guys running it so I was given the "extra scary" treatment [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img] and got nothing)

The one that got me was indoors and had this small plexiglass tunnel that you had to crawl through (a rather nice looking dominatrix instructed you onto your knees to go into the tunnel, that was actually kinda nice)

Well, normally the lights are on in the tube but when I went though they had them off, so I thought that I was just crawling through a small tunnel to the next room. Well once I got fully into the thing they blocked the exit hole and popped on the lights. There were a shitload of tirantulas crawling around the outside of the plexiglass, and I am complete chicken shit when it comes to spiders.

I freaked for a second, then once reality kicked in that the spiders were behind glass and not able to get to me I calmed right down.

The funniest thing I've ever seen at a haunted house happened that same night. I went with a group of friends and a couple co-workers. One co-worker, a tiny little black girl, was particularly on edge, and I made sure to let the guy I know running the place about this. We could hear her sceaming stuff like "OH HELL NO!!" "HELL NO, UH UH!" all the way through the house.

Then when she hit the exit door a dude in a Jason mask with a real (chainless) chainsaw popped out from behind the door, she shit a brick and belted out "OH FUCK DIS!" and took off running. The dude chased her all through the parking lot, across the street, through the parking lot there, back across the street and back to where our group was standing. Once they got back she hid behind one of my friends and the dude turned off the chainsaw, took off the mask and tried to calm her down.

Once the mask came off she started slapping the living bejesus out of the poor kid and calling him every name in the book, and some new ones!

I about laughed my ass off... until she turned her rage my way! I think she slapped everyone in our group that night!

Boner: Not W&G!!! *cowers in fear* [img]wink.gif[/img]

I think I told the story before about my very petite g/f who took out some big fucker in a haunted house...? Turns out when she was really, really scared she got a good surge of adrenalin, 'cuz she knocked that fucker cold. I really thought we were gonna end up calling an ambulance and talking to the cops...

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ September 29, 2004 10:27 AM: Message edited by: -Dark Angel- ]</font>

LOL!

my dad did the same thing many years ago.
damn, it funny.

we were at one a bout 5 yrs ago and there was a section that was supposed to be a 'crazy' butcher shop....and there was a 'crazy' butcher who was smack talking and trying to act 'crazy'. now they tell u never to touch the *cough* actors, but seems its ok for them to touch you. so the crazy butcher comes running up and gets in my buddy Dougs face, (doug is a strength trainer, 5'8" 245lbs), and is shaking a hand full of raw steak in his face. Doug, being annoyed like the rest of us, takes a huge bit out of it and spits it in the kids face. so the kids says 'oh were touching each others meat, huh?' and grabs a hand full of dougs GF left tit...

the glass front meat counter, a stainless steel table, a water cooler that was full of blood, and the kid were all in a pile in the corner with one swift push. now that was scary...no way to tell what was real blood and what was fake.

when we got out of the maze, the cops were there. sadly for him, the kid left a HUGE bloddy hand print right on dougs gf's tit.


the moral of this story:
wash before u grope. leaves less evidence.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ September 29, 2004 10:35 AM: Message edited by: bonedust ]</font>

man, what a peckerhead that kid was... [img]graemlins/hmmm.gif[/img]

DA, i've never heard of those... damn... now i want to try and find one! It sounds much more scary than the regular ones. ironic scary...